The other day, I mentally created a checklist of items/events that had happened in the last couple years & I realised that there had been times I cried until my throat went dry and raspy, events so funny that even the thought of them after years is enough to plant an ear to ear to grin on my face, events so grim that thinking about how it felt back then feels as if the blind air around me is closing in on me, events that kept me up so late that I’d stare at the lone star thinking if I happen to be the last person falling asleep, events that made me prostrate for the longest that I can recall sometimes to recover from grief and sometimes to say Thankyou for all the blessings I received almost unasked.
Life is as you see it, things like grief, happiness are described as determined by our perception. Here’s what I have realised.
For every low in life, there’s an equal amount of high, which gives life meaning, perspective and is what keeps it moving.
Last year around this time, I went to the dentist and reported the excruciating level of pain that had kept me up all night.
One of the roughest times when I realised how pain, be it physical or emotional in nature, grows like a weed.. right, left, here and there .. everywhere! Resort to temporary relief and have it come back with vengeance, an extreme concentration you would’ve ever experienced. The solution? Get rid of the source of pain.
Analgesics are welcome but don’t rely on them for too long.
People often underestimate emotional pain and say a lot of things that don’t even come close to reality. Like it’s all in your head. You are only making a mountain outta molehill and etc etc.
Every time I come across someone apparently smiling but their body screaming unhappiness, I feel like reaching out and reassuring that It. Is. Going. To. Be. Ok.
Can we imagine the density of emotions so bleak that it cascades all over them, engulfs them over and out!?
People battling depression feel overwhelmingly exhausted on the brink of losing all internal battles, there’s a vacuum inside that sucks life out of them rendering them unable to escape, pronouncing their coping mechanism dead, the demons of loneliness breaking through twisting themselves around their ankles so bad that they can’t move forward coz if they did, they’d trip. Sheer silence surrounding them is but a plea for help, but rebranded often as a mistaken sign of arrogance, they shrink in their head day after day; a voluntary submission that they’ve lived a thousand lives already ..that they’ve had it enough..
…this and a lot more happens to them but life continues without stopping by, without taking a notice, their words remain unspoken and stories untold ..the kind of pain that only some can comprehend, a mindset very few can understand.
I often think about how in so many different forms and shapes does pain manifest in our lives. And how so different is it’s aftertaste literally for all of us.
All of us have been there. I’m no different.
The little big things I want to share in this post are these:
1- Re-invest in your relationship with God. I cannot emphasise enough how deeply it improves your perception of self, of this world, and even of pain.
What you get after reconciliation:
A- A clearer view of this world which leads to an accentuated understanding of its imperfections and impermanence of every relationship that got you feeling disappointed in the first place.
B- God knows how to fulfil your empty cup. There’s a subtle shift of expectations from the creation to the Creator. With you asking God & only God, He blesses you in most amazing ways. You realise that the worse kind of loneliness is letting the wrong company in on your life and *not* staying alone. Being alone no longer hurts, instead is therapeutic & much needed.
C- You learn to take it in your hands to not just mentally but physically helping yourself. Eat healthy. Read. Write. Pray regularly.
Even if you tried explaining it to people, they won’t get it like you do. Its just like you can’t show that you are having a headache. Talking to the right people helps!
D- You resign yourself to the fact that you can’t get rid of it in a snap. Learn to live with it but don’t get too comfortable. Just think of it as a nasty guest sharing an apartment with you temporarily.
I feel a world of gratitude for all the wrong people, who showed up in my life, for ALL the right reasons. Thankyou so much for showing me the side of you which, I bet, would’ve taken me a lifetime to comprehend on my own. For making me believe in my self more than I ever did before until you turned your back on me. Please know that I didn’t just stare blankly, I swallowed ever ounce of disappointment and asked God to help me make something better out of it. Thankyou so much for de-friending me, that’s exactly when I learnt the value of valuing oneself and knowing beyond doubt that sometimes the precious space in our lives gets crowded by things not helping us in the least, in fact eating up at us. Better free up that space and conserve energy for all things positive! & thanks so much to those who silently & unexpectedly drifted away, only to teach me that not everything n’ everyone is worth holding onto…
& a huge huuge Thankyou to God for planting all the right people in my life *exactly* when I needed them.