Mirror .. o’ Mirror..


Friends! Thankyou for stopping by. Sometimes words don’t come easily and you find yourself struggling to compose one simple sentence. It has little to do with you and a lot to do with *what it takes* to be able to put it out there.. this is one of those posts which has taken me hours & hours of contemplation and courage to begin with..

So..here it is..

This post serves as a humble attempt to celebrate all the cracks in our being that let the light in; all the ways we hurt and all the means we acquire to heal and all the time it takes to feel better; all the striving to seek a sense of belonging, all the wisdom that comes crumbling into our life masked as nothing like we’ve ever seen and finally all the roads that lead us to the people who help us discover the light that exists within our souls…

You know friends! certain realisations in life manifest in moments when we need them the most and exactly in the way we need them.

It was an ordinary day like today some years ago when I had lined up chores competing for my attention and a couple work related assignments demanding my time.

Knowing the type of characteristically anxious person that I am, It takes much effort on my part to put a deaf ear to the background conversations in my head. Like I’ve this list unfolding minute by minute or hour by hour telling me to do this and do that.

And this pattern of thinking is very. exhausting.

So in my haste to leave the house, I randomly glanced at the full length mirror sitting in the hallway and something held my gaze right there..

I was facing a pixelated blurred image of someone staring back at me through its invisible eyes..

Looking at yourself in a mirror can be a nice way to feed your ego *if* you like what you are seeing you know.. My hair was nicely combed, I had lipstick on, & I never forget to adorn my eyes with my favourite eye-liner and mascara ‘coz these two elements in cosmetics I simply can’t do without! Overall, I looked alright. I mean I had had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep and thankfully my skin too {as always} was free of day to day problems.

What was that I didn’t like then?!

I moved an inch closer to the mirror and looked quizzically into its eyes for psychological validation but it was no where to be found.
And the image hanging in the mirror was of someone who didn’t quite *look* like me or *feel* like me, if it makes any sense?!

‘How could you act like my emotional barometer so errorlessly?
I quietly asked…feeling defeated & powerless.

Silence prevailed..

I gasped and looked away but the mirror kept looking …. I turned away but it didn’t ..

Unable to put up with a clouded heart, my eyes refused to house the only tear floating in their premises. The long trapped darkness smudged and stained by the mascara came trickling down my cheeks..

My image right there appeared mute but it spoke volumes..& in a language only my heart could understand.

It showed me that this is what happens when you exist but cease to live;

when the light within you gets dim;

when you say good bye to things your heart holds as life’s greatest treasures;

when the room inside your soul shrinks compromising its ability to grow;

when you can’t let go of people that are not part of your story anymore;

when you act from a place of thoughtless automaticity without recognising your choices;

when you spend forever standing aimlessly at a fork in the road not knowing which path to take;

when you unconsciously make the decision to not love & respect yourself enough and the happiness quotient is drowned out by a river of unprocessed emotions;

when you slip on the cloak of perfectionism because you think life is meant to be unflawed;

when the ruthless inner critic accuses you of being weak and vulnerable ‘coz you always let it all brew it in the secrecy of your heart.

And when you close yourself off to your own self turning a blind eye to the truest parts of you struggling to gain exposure.

You exhaust your spirits. You lose your light. You suffer deeply. You go numb.

It takes time and courage contributed by every fibre in our being to learn to befriend our insecurities, flaws and failures, weaknesses and inadequacies.

Their company teaches us that the most beautiful lessons in life are often packaged as the most painful experiences.

We learn that it’s only therapeutic to be able to talk candidly about moments in life when we aren’t able to live up to our own goals and dreams and that there’s always some purpose in pain. It’s ok if the heartache lingers on..if disappointments feel raw and the setbacks engulf tiny glimmers of hope for a long time to come. It doesn’t matter…….

What really matters is how accepting, kind and open we are to ourselves .. and how many times we are going to pull it all through..

Our insecurities and darkness teach us to kindly render ourselves a gracious period of waiting in patience and to listen to our souls’ calling when it comes..and to dig deep ..for treasures are always buried in the most unknown & unexplored places.

They teach us that magic happens when we alter the belief system that is in control of our happiness.

When we don’t let the attention coming from people determine our worth neither do we let the lack of it dictate we are any less valuable as a person.

Miracle happens when we realise that everything that we need to grow exists *within* ourselves and has very little to do with what exists outside of our existence.

And when we withdraw judgement and start repairing what needs to be fixed at our end; when we gently open our heart letting go of notions, of beliefs, and of people that deplete our sense of self love.

Unkind judgements, too much dependence on others, and the fear of failure are demons that lurk inside our chest and breathe darkness through our eyes obscuring how we view the world and even ourselves. We can replace this darkness with the radiance that our souls contain.

And all of this happens *only* by the will of God. We are extremely weak.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Break down those barriers and share the love, and your light with the world. And trust that the world is waiting to do just the same! 💕

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